From: Alex C [mailto:acrabtree@]
Sent: Friday, 15 June 2012 8:01 AM
To: Caroline W
Subject: Gotta Get Down Because It’s Friday and Rebecca Black Said So.
Perhaps I want to buy these pants? But I need some more dolla dolla billz. Perhaps I will get a second job in a bar so I can meet my future boyfriend. Or I will start selling my belongings online. Both sensible ventures. We should invent something. How did you sleep?
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From: Caroline W[mailto:Caroline.Warne@
Sent: Friday, 15 June 2012 9:06 AM
To: Alex C
Subject: Eminem’s Daughter, Hayley
I realised just then – In a moment of blind panic – that I had not written back to this email. I feel terrible about it.
I think you should buy those (although, they are more Spring/Autumn that winter).
I would love to get a job in a bar. I love working in bars. It’s a very sexy thing to do. You would get hit on all the time. In a good way (because being sexually harrassed when you are sober, at your place of work is always ‘in a good way’). Don’t sell your belongings. You use all your belongings.
Happy to invent something. I am on the cusp of something huge. I just don’t know what it is.
Slept really well, but feeling a bit sketchy today, I must say. I have a massive headache.
Are you out and about tonight?
I’ve been googling Eminem for the first six minutes I have been at work. Remember that song, ‘Hayley’ (in which he sung, badly about having the world on his shoulders?), well this is his daughter. Babe.
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From: Alex C [mailto:acrabtree@
Sent: Friday, 15 June 2012 9:11 AM
To: Caroline W
Subject: RE: Eminem’s Daughter, Hayley
Yeah, she’s a total biddy. I think I have seen this pic before. Number 13 could stand to eat a few less pies for lunch, and probably stop wearing bike shorts, like c’mon baaaaaaaabe, seriously!
(I could probably stand to eat a few less pies every time I got to the Carlton Club and then waddle into Pie Face at 3am and eat the shop dry, but still. I don’t wear bike shorts while I am doing it. Usually.)
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From: Caroline W [mailto:Caroline.Warne
Sent: Friday, 15 June 2012 9:13 AM
To: Alex C
Subject: Sign I recently brough for Mr. Puss Cat
You could definitely stop your 3 pie binge at Pie Face, which is becoming a permantent fixture of our Friday nights. You don’t even like pies. And obviously you want the liberty of being able to wear your bike shorts, should you feel the urge.
Look at the sign I just bought for my parents. You agree with me right, Mr. Puss Cat is a creep?!
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From: Alex Cr [mailto:acrabtree@
Sent: Friday, 15 June 2012 9:14 AM
To: Caroline We
Subject: RE: Sign I recently brough for Mr. Puss Cat
Mr Puss cat is shady as. He’s a shady little cat. I don’t trust him. As far as I could throw him (which, incidently, is about four metres.)
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From: Alex Cr [mailto:Alex Cr
Sent: Friday, 15 June 2012 9:18 AM
To: Caroline W
Subject: Percy gets High
Is that dog wearing a mesh singlet?
thelifeandtimesofcornchips 